The Weapons Tag~ In Which I Decide How I Should Die And Invent…Something

Hello, everyone!

As you may have gathered from the informative title of this post, I have been tagged for The Weapons Tag.

…Actually, to be more specific, I was tagged about…um…seven months ago (holy moly, has it been that long???) by the estimable Sarah Seele @ Sixty-Something Trees and I am just now getting around to doing it.

Many thanks to Sarah for tagging me and apologies for taking absolute ages to get to doing this post.

Speaking of this post, it should be really exciting because I have NO IDEA what I’m talking about.

…So like most of my blog posts then.

Weapons are cool. Sting is my favorite sword. I’ve always wanted to be skilled with a bow for some reason. But I have no firsthand experience of using weapons aside from the occasional stuffed panda missile and the stray sword forged from wood, plastic or foam.

(clearly not a weapon that I have ever fought with)

I did throw a book at my sister’s head one time. I didn’t think I would actually hit her, since I’m bad at aiming, but…well, I didn’t miss.

Anyway, let’s just get on with the tag then and see how clueless I really am.

RULES OF COMBAT: 

1. Use the above picture or a similar picture of a sword.
2. Thank the person who tagged you and provide a link to their post.
3. Answer the 7 questions as best you can.
4. Tag 3 other bloggers if possible.
5. Close out the post making some statement or other to glorify the King of Kings.

The Questions:

1. If you had to choose any one medieval weapon for combat, what would it be and why?

First of all, picturing myself in a combat situation is a mortifying prospect.

That scene from the Court Jester is so strong in my mind right now and I am pained that I cannot find a GIF of it so I will just describe it to you:

Hurbert Hawkins: [staring in overwhelmed perplexity at the array of weapons laid before him after being told to choose one] “I’ll take one of those, one of those- a couple of those…” [glancing up at his intimidating opponent] “…I’d better take them all.”

I suppose I would choose a bow and arrow because then I could cower behind something and shoot at my opponent from a distance. Whether or not I would actually succeed in hitting said opponent is another question entirely.

2. If you had to choose any one post-medieval weapon for combat, what would it be and why?

Hm…putting me in combat again. I guess I should have known this would happen when I decided to participate in a tag with “weapons” in the title.

I DON’T KNOW. A tranquilizer gun. Like Milligan. Because…Milligan has one. (That is a perfectly valid reason, in case you were questioning my logic here.)

I just can’t picture myself actually being in combat, guys. I’m sorry.

Come to think of it, tranquilizer guns have probably been around forever but at this point I a sticking with this answer. Because Milligan. Okay.

3. If you had to choose to die from a blow/shot from some weapon or other, what would it be and why?

This is tricky because on the one hand it would be super dramatic to be stabbed with a dagger and die a slow, agonizing death with loved ones weeping around me while I managed to say something very touching and memorable (despite the agony and the blood and everything).

…But on the other hand, I hate pain and I would like to die so quickly that I don’t even get a chance to know that I’ve died. So…maybe a really hard blow to the head from a Very Large Rock.

4. If you could design your own personal weapon (whether logical or not), what would it be like and how would it work? What would you call it?

*intensely channeling Dr. Seuss*

Okay, so it would be a sturdy wooden staff (a quarterstaff? I don’t know what things are called)  that has the option of extending blades out the sides (making it function essentially like a broadsword) and also the ability to shoot bullets out the top like a rifle (don’t ask where the trigger and such would come from), and ALSO the ability to return to you if you throw it (like a boomerang).

So a staff, sword, rifle, boomerang…which we would call…a sworfle-boomernaff.

Yup. That’s what it would be.

5. If you were in a battle, what era of weapons would you desire most to be fighting with and why?

 Medieval, because it would be aesthetically pleasing…that’s a good reason, right?

I also just feel like I want to avoid atomic bombs and things. And obviously the only two eras to choose from are medieval and 20th century.

6. If you were to lead a charge, what would your battle cry be?

FOR FREEDOM AND FOR HUGS.

No, that’s just a placeholder until I come up with something that’s actually awesome.

(Yeah, now it’s time to post the thing and I haven’t come up with anything else. Oh well.)

I know this is all hypothetical, but me leading a charge is NOT something that would ever happen, and if it did happen I would probably be screaming incoherently, unable to conjure words, let alone clever and/or moving words.

7. Is your preferred style of combat physical, conversational, or mental?  Are you more prone to do one as to the other despite your preferences?

Conversational, maybe? Or maybe it’s mental but then it comes out conversationally…. I do like to be smarter than people, and prove that I am smarter than them, at least to myself.

I guess I don’t really know how to answer this question except to say that it’s definitely not physical.

Epilogue

Ultimately weaponry is NOT my strength. Clearly. But thankfully that is okay.

In closing, I will share with you this statement to glorify the King of Kings: No matter how hopeless the situation, no matter how incompetent we feel, no matter how measly our weapons seem in the face of the enemy, no matter what we are up against, the Creator of the universe is fighting for us…and he will win.

For thus says the Lord: “Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken, and the prey of the tyrant be rescued, for I will contend with those who contend with you, and I will save your children.

Isaiah 49:25

Thanks again to Sarah Seele for tagging me! You should all go check out her blog, because it’s a joy to read.

Do you know anything about weapons? Have you ever actually shot a bow and arrow? What kind of weapon would you invent? Have you ever thought about what your battle cry would be?